mmmkloo: May 2014

Last night with tears streaking down my face huddled in a tight headlock, my friend Lynne said to me "great change only comes when there's intense pressure. You've realised it, that's the best thing, now how do you deal with it?".

Don't worry, i'm not about to get you all wound up in an emotional ball and send you off crying for days. I'm just going to be real with you. Last night, I had a conversation with a King. We haven't spoken in a while, because i've been caught up in darkness. You see this king is all about the light. He only comes around to give me sight out of my own darkness and that's why he came to me last night. I allowed him to come to me. I didn't even know I was walking in darkness, funnily enough I thought I was walking in the exact opposite. I'd been saying for ages we can talk, I really really want to talk to you, but every time I never tried to open my mouth. In fact, I hardly uttered a word. So last night after many long nights we spoke. I opened up John 1. We started. I tried to rush the conversation only by getting pulled back to John 1: 1-5. I want to tell you what he told me.

"In the beginning was the word"- As you start again Alisha, I am with you. Read me. Open me up. Want me. I'm yours. All yours!

"the Word was with God" - I am with you for the entire ride. I will not give up on you. Challenge me, question me, talk to me.

"and the Word was God" - You will prosper through me. You will be strong as I will test you, but regardless of all of this know that I love you.

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I don't know how I fell off, but I did. I fell not knowing that darkness was all around me. I think that is what hurt the most. The fact i've been hurting my King without knowing.

"If we say we have fellowship with him while we walk in darkness, we lie according to the truth; but if we walk in the light, as he is the light, we have fellowship with one another, and the blood of Jesus his son cleanses us from sin. " - 1 John 1:6-7

Darkness itself is not just the absence of light, it is more than that. It always has been.

"and the light shines in darkness, and the darkness did not comprehend to it" - John 1:5

Have I been ignoring the light? Yes, I've been running from it.
How can you tell?

1) When you stop reading scripture

I'm not even talking about your handheld devices. I mean the bible. The Holy Grail. The Book of life.
It's how you build a relationship with him. It's like getting to know his personality. What he likes and dislikes, how he introduces himself and like a good friend, how he encourages you. When you rely solely on whichever bible app is on your phone, you start to have a relationship with your phone and allow for easy disconnect. Going to sunday services, taking what they say by face value and not applying it to your life not only leaves you stagnant but doesn't allow for you to receive the right seed God intends for you.

2) When you stop going to church

This year, i've been guilty, guilty and yet again guilty.
By not going to church you are escaping the inner light. The light that keeps you in God's warm arms. Church does not necessarily mean the building, but more the fellowship with other christians. So this could be bible study and fellowship sessions also. A church is hospital for sinners. We are all sinners and we all need help. So go and get aid.

"Let us not give up meeting together, as some are in the habit of doing, but let us encourage one another-- and all the more as you see the Day approaching" - Hebrews 10:25

3) When you no longer examine yourself
Examination is extremely important. As growth in Christ is important. It allows you to seek correction, but also help others. Being able to evaluate your actions and make it better is how we are able sew more seeds into the kingdom but also in ourselves.

"Examine yourselves as to whether you are in the faith. Test yourselves. Do you not know yourselves, that Jesus Christ is in you? - unless indeed you are disqualified" - 2 Corinthians 13:5

4) When you avoid the light

When we are called to be Christians we are meant to be open. Last night I found an article that said "We make ourselves up when we go out among others into the kind of image we want them to believe we are". If you come across mature when you are not, then you cannot be seen as needing anything.

"Blessed are those who hunger and thirst after righteousness, for they shall be filled" - Matthew 5:6

Appearing to be something that you are not is extremely dangerous to your spirit. When you look at the story of Ananais and Sapphira in Acts 5:1-16, they pretended to be people entirely different to who they truly were and not just that but pretending to have a holiness is even worse. The worst person you can lie to is yourself and the Holy Spirit is trying to seize our eyes from how dramatic that chapter is, which ends with them breathing their last on the spot.

If you are not able to admit that you have problems, you never talk about them or how your faith has been tested with anyone or never appear to have any, your image is simply perfect and you cannot help anyone. It is extremely discouraging.

"Admit your faults and pray for one another" - James 5:16

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My friend Lynne told me last night that, "your spiritual journey is the one thing that has no end goal, you can have goals in your career, education, family etc. But your spiritual has none, because it is meant to be with you forever until you die. It is in you".

Anyone in their spiritual journey can fall off and walk into darkness. It doesn't matter how long you've been a Christian for or how many scripture verses you learn or challenge. You will fall. The falling isn't the problem it's how you get back up. I remember Lauryn Hill saying something about the journey of life is like climbing up a mountain. Climbing up is so hard, but once you get to the top the view is incredible. The worst part is we forget that we have to come back down. You can't stay on that mountain peak all of your life, no matter how much you try, you are meant to struggle to understand his grace and love .

Another thing, is being able to have good friends that surround you. I don't say "friends" loosely either. My friends are not all Christian, but the one thing they all have in common is that they are passionate about their spiritual growth which in totality means they care about mine (love is the winning factor). Regardless of what they believe whenever I feel a sad, happy or even a little bit crazy they push me more and more closer to Christ. So be prepared to walk in the light. There aren't different levels of light, there is only one.

And I want to leave you with four questions.

1) What kind of Christian am I?

2) Am I better than I was six months ago?

3) Am I easier to live with?

4) Am I more graceful, compassionate, outgoing kind of person than I was a year ago?